


He Isn't You

by UpsetLettuce



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, BioWare you SoBs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Gay, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, The Nathema Conspiracy, Theron misses his boyfriend, What Have I Done, Why do I care about fictional characters more than real people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 02:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15063263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpsetLettuce/pseuds/UpsetLettuce
Summary: Theron Shan has betrayed the Alliance, his friends, his boyfriend...And now he misses everything about the man he still loves





	He Isn't You

He doesn’t act like you.

He’s angrier than you, it shows in his face. You were always good at hiding those feelings, he wants everyone to know about to show he is right. He wants everyone to bow with fear and dark meaning while you always maintained to make sure everyone feel safe, even if you hated them. You made sure our opinions were listened to, always asking for it while he never wants anything but his own ideas to be known. He is selfish, something you never let yourself do, he wants everything for himself no matter what he says his intention are really.

He doesn’t sound like you.

When he speaks, it’s gravelly and hatred filled, I never want to listen but make myself, hoping I seem involved and the betrayer I portray. You never spoke like that. Every statement you’d make could silence a room and make them listen, even if you weren’t confident in your words you made them seem true and honest. He could never hope to come anywhere near that. You were always telling everyone how everything was ok and not to worry, it was easy to believe you with the calm in your voice, he lets his emotions show as he screams and whines.

He doesn’t look like you.

You have gentle features, they all blend together in the best of ways. He has sharp edges shaped by hate he has held for years, something you were able to control. His eyes hold this evil that makes me shudder when he looks at me, something your eyes use to do but you helped me understand what goes on behind them. Everything in his face is creased with pain of his history while yours was smooth and only change at heightened emotion that came with the job as the Alliance Commander.

He doesn’t smell like you.

He gets close enough for me in gather the scent of oily, greasy, worked man. You always had a scent of nature, much like trees that filled the forest outside of the base. It followed you everywhere and some morning I could even smell it on me, a strange feeling of protection filed me on those days. Now, I smell the heavy scent of him on those dreaded nights when he would follow me, stalk me and pushed those disgusting smells onto me.

He doesn’t feel like you.

He has rough skin that he made scarred and pained because of what he felt you did to his life. Everywhere on you body is soft, even the scars across your eyes have a gentle feel with them. His lips, chapped with age, are rough and rude against mine where you were always shy and gentle, never wanting to push me but always full of love. Your hands are softer than his, he grabs roughly and pulls while you caress and lightly travel my body. You wanted me to feel love, he wants me to be used.

He doesn’t taste like you.

You always had a hint of caf with your mouth, you said back that it was because I always drank too much of the stuff. I remember laughing at that. He doesn’t deserve to hear that, he forces the taste of smoke and hate into my mouth, it’s disgusting. Whenever we were together, you always tasted almost sweet like, you joked the blue skin gives you a candy coating. Gods, I miss your jokes, your laugh, your everything. He makes me taste the flavor of his skin, I want to gag when I taste it but hold it for the lies I’ve built up.

The lies that hurt you.

The lies that ended us.

I don’t expect you to forgive.

I don’t want you to forgive.

But know this…

He isn’t you.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in so long, this was refreshing.
> 
> I haven't even started the Theron romance with my Imperial Agent but I have with a Sith Warrior so I total am qualified to do this.
> 
> Thanks to BioWare, I am so gay for everything Theron related.


End file.
